Clear the LoveJoy formation before it reaches you. The hearts are innocent. The smiley faces know what they did. Everything is sparkling for no defensible reason.
SCORE 0000
HIGH 0000
LIVES 3
WAVE 1
LoveJoy Starcade
the least necessary part of lovejoymarket.co, so naturally it had to exist.
Play something. Let a fake zodiac machine judge you. Then go back to pretending you came here for business.
status: five games, one screen, no leaving the arcade. ✦
Pick Your Poison, Cutie
♡ ☺
STARFALL
Hearts. Smiley faces. A deeply unreasonable amount of shooting and glitter.
slide + tap on phone▦
BLOCK PARTY
Stack the shapes. Clear the rows. Make increasingly worse choices under pressure.
slide · tap · swipe down♥
HEART ATTACK
You are the heart. The smileys are pursuing you for reasons nobody has explained.
swipe to steer〰 ✦
GLITTERWORM
A sparkly worm wants a glittery apple. Nobody has established why this is your responsibility.
swipe · arrows · WASD
SUSAN
Susan lights up. You copy Susan. Susan becomes more demanding every round.
watch · remember · tap
Now Playing: Starfall
1 / 5
Falling shapes. Rapidly deteriorating confidence. Clear rows before the pile reaches the top.
SCORE 0000
HIGH 0000
LINES 00
LEVEL 1
You are the heart. Everybody else is being weird about it. Collect every spark and avoid the smileys.
SCORE 0000
HIGH 0000
LIVES 3
LEVEL 1
A sparkly worm wants a glittery apple. This is the entire intellectual premise.
SCORE 00HIGH 00LENGTH 04
SUSAN ♡
Susan shows you a pattern. Repeat it exactly. Every round adds one more thing Susan expects you to remember.
SUSAN ♡
watch · remember · repeat
ROUND 00
BEST 00
STREAK 00
tap the heart to start.
The LoveJoy Department of Astrological Nonsense
Five questions. No birth time. No chart. No credentials. We will still reach a conclusion with shocking confidence.
This is a game. Please do not reorganize your life around a browser quiz written by a tattoo artist's website.
question 1 of 5
you may now return to the useful parts of the website.